Saint Francis Hospice Cared for my Dad at Home
Amanda has been supporting Saint Francis Hospice since she experienced the care and support her mum Salli received on the ward in 2016. Amanda, with her family and friends have so far raised almost £31,000 by taking part in fundraising events including walks, bike rides, runs and quizzes.
Towards the end of 2024, Amanda’s Dad, Howard needed the hospice’s compassionate palliative and end of life care. Here Amanda shares how the hospice enabled Howard to die peacefully at the age of 90 in the comfort of his own home.
Dad died on my birthday, December 21st, which I see as an honour. We were always very close, but I felt our souls blend that afternoon and our connection deepen.
He had lived with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) and emphysema for many years and as difficult as it was for Dad to breathe, he rarely allowed it to get in the way of living, and he had such a positive outlook and always saw the beauty in life.
He was stoic, funny, clever, kind, considerate, generous and loving and I’m so proud to be able to call him my Dad.
He loved his life, and he loved Salli, his beautiful wife - my wonderful mum, his kids, grandkids and in 2023, he loved becoming a great grandad.
In 2024, his lung consultant referred him to Saint Francis Hospice as his condition was deteriorating, and breathing was becoming more of a struggle. One of the hospice community team came to visit Dad at home and she gave him information, advice and techniques to help with his laboured breathing. He was offered reflexology at the hospice too, and so was I as his carer, which is so incredibly kind, but sadly he wasn’t well enough for us to make the journey.
The best part about having the hospice involved was knowing that when the time came, I could reach out and ask for help. That made me feel that Dad was in safe hands and I felt supported and less afraid of what was ahead.
Dad knew his health was declining and one morning after a difficult night, he said to me, ‘I think I need to go to the hospice now.”
He was living with myself and my husband in a purpose built extension in our house and I explained that of course we could ask for a referral to the hospice, or he could stay at home and the Hospice at Home team could come and look after him alongside myself and carers. He hadn’t realised that this was an option and was really happy to stay in his own pad because he knew from the incredible care that my mum had received from Saint Francis, that they wouldn’t let him down, wherever he was. We agreed that he would go to the hospice if it became too tough but because of the support of the amazing nurses, this didn’t become necessary.
As Dad was coming to the end of his life, the Hospice at Home team were with us more and more. It was amazing how the care stepped up. They knew just how to keep him comfortable in a dignified way.
I remember the first Hospice at Home nurse arriving. I had the same feeling I had experienced 8 years previous, when my Mum arrived on the ward at the hospice. It felt as if an angel had descended and taken all the worry off my shoulders. Just like with Mum, the nurse made sure Dad was comfortable, and I felt calmed by her empathy and kindness.
The night before he died, we all toasted Dad at his bedside and the nurse suggested he have some gin and tonic on a swab. It was so lovely to be able to give him his last G and T and the next day on my birthday we did the same with champagne as a friend of mine suggested he might be waiting to celebrate my birthday with me. I think she was right as he passed away shortly after, with champagne on his lips listening to Nat King Cole. He would have loved that ending!
The care and love the nurses gave to my Dad was beautiful to see. It never felt like they were just going through the motions, it felt completely personal and genuine. Even after he had passed away he was treated with such dignity.
In my opinion it would be impossible to experience the care I received for both my parents without feeling forever indebted to the hospice and it becoming such an important part of our lives. It is so important to give back as the hospice is only 28% government funded and relies completely on fundraising and donations for the remaining 72%. How different both my parents’ endings would have been without the hospice and I have also found that fundraising in their honour really helps on the grief journey. Dad felt the same after mum passed away in their care and became a big supporter, always keen to join us at events.
We will continue to support the hospice in honour of them both and have also now replaced the copper leaf we had for Mum on the Memory Tree with a ruby leaf with both their names on. I’m looking forward to the exciting new Strictly Saint Francis event which I’m going to with my friends later in the year. It also feels extremely fitting to have a Birthday Fundraiser on my social platforms on December 21st where I will ask family and friends to donate to the hospice rather than give me gifts.
I hope that reading this encourages you to fundraise, or donate some money, or time, to Saint Francis Hospice, because none of us ever know when we or a loved one might need their outstanding care and support.
